An essay on banana peels
by Rogue8
Summary: "Powdered sugar!!"


Why the x-men shouldn't eat pancakes given to them by people they've never met.

Disclaimer: Marevel owns the x-men. The person cooking owns herself. I'd tell you who she is, but that would ruin the surprise. Somebody owns Barney and the Teletubies, but I don't know who. And if I was them I wouldn't brag about it, either. 

Narator: A normal day at the x-mansion.... I swear, these people do this every day! There must be something really worng with *urk*-   
Wolverine (looking up innocently): What? Why is it that whenever somebody dies, everyone looks at me?!   
Person: Cause we just saw you kill the narator.   
Wolverine: oh.  
Wolverine tiptoes downstairs, giggling maddly. Suddenly, A thought occurs to him.   
Wolverine: (mumbling) oh, cripes! Teletubbies is starting!   
He rushes past the kitchen, then stops and walks back.   
Wolverine: Who's you, bub?!?   
Person: Someone making pancakes...   
Wolverine: Pancakes?!   
Person: Yes, and you can't have any until you wash your hands.   
Wolverine: Why shoul I? How do I know-   
The figure spins around   
Person: Look, you have two choices. Wash your hands or take a nap!   
Wolverine: Fine. I'll wash my hands, but I'll see you outside, bub.   
Professor(coming out of the den): What's going on?! Your making me miss Barn- a very important show!   
Wolverine: Teletubies are better   
Professor:No way! Barney rules!   
Professor and Wolverine continue arguing...when Kurt and Peter come downstairs   
Kurt: Yes, mein fruiend, but you had forgotten about those jelly beans!   
Peter: Torvasich, they were mine!   
Person: You two shut up! You don't even know Russian anymore, Peter!   
Peter: Yes I do!   
Person: No, you don't. You just put arrows around your words. Duh!   
Peter: you called my bluff...   
Person: And as for you, Kurt...   
Kurt: I'm still fluent in German.   
Person: oh, yeah? What does ich libadish mean?   
Kurt: Hang on...I know this one...I'm a dishwasher?   
Person: No...   
The figure turns and yells at Wolverine.   
Person: Go get everyone else up!   
Wolverine: But the professor said-   
Person: Now!   
Professor: Who are you?   
Steph: I'm Steph. I'm also cooking, so if you value your life you'll sit down!   
Professor: Okay...   
Peter: Okay...   
Kurt: Not to worry! I'll save the day!   
Kurt walks up to Steph and pinches her neck.   
Steph: What was that?   
Kurt: The Vulcan Pinch! I have saved the day!   
Kurt begins to dance around the room.   
Steph: Sit down, moron.   
Kurt: OK! Kurt teleports onto a chair.   
Professor: Eww! Smelly! Did you see what he did? Huh? Huh?   
Steph stuns him with a frying pan.   
Steph: better   
Wolverine comes downstairs.   
Wolverine: They're right behind me...all except Rogue and Gambit   
Steph: I'm not even gonna ask. Everybody sit down.   
Everyone takes a seat.   
Steph: This morning I got up extra early to make you all pancakes.   
Steph hands everyone a plate with a pancake stack on it.   
Professor: Ooh! a circle! Can you do mikey mouse, too?   
Steph: Shut up and eat it.   
As everyone commences eating, Steph walks upstairs and hears the bathroom shower.   
Steph(knocking on the door): Who's in there?   
Gambit: I'm taking a shower.   
Steph: Uh huh. Where's Rogue?   
Gambit: She had to take a shower, too.   
Steph: Well, at least you're conserving water.   
Sam: Oooh! Oooh! I gotta go!   
Steph: You know there's only one bathroom in this mansion.   
Sam: I can't hold it!   
Steph: Go upstairs into Ororo's attic.   
Sam: And what?   
Steph: Go...water the plants.   
It takes him a minute to get it.   
Sam: I get it!   
Sam starts to giggle while Steph goes downstairs where everyone is quietly eating their pancakes. Soon everyone is finished.   
Professor: I hope Barn- er, my news show is still on.   
Professor(running into a wall): Who put this wall here?   
Everyone else rocks back in their chairs and falls backwards.   
All: I wonder if banana peels dream...   
Steph: Okay...   
Steph turns and looks at what's left of the pancake mix.   
Steph: What did I put in here? (looking at unnoticed puppy-tiger thing on the floor next to her feet) Baby-G, you got the flour...what did you put in there?   
Baby-G: Umm...I ran out of flour and decided to use the other white stuff.   
Steph: What white stuff?   
Baby-G: the powder in the bag under the floor boards.   
Steph: Who's room?   
Sam: Where's my crack?   
Steph: On your but.   
Sam: No, my coke!   
Steph:Under your bed.   
Sam: My drugs! They're gone!   
Steph: Oh...you used it up already?   
Sam: That's right...   
Steph pulls a mallet out of the air and hits him in the head with it.   
Steph: Sam is such a moron. Saved you again, baby-g.   
Baby-g: spanks   
In the kitchen, the Professor has recovered, but everyone is now chanting.   
All: Bugs The Bunny, Bugs The Bunny, rah rah rah!   
Professor: What has happened to them?   
Steph: They ate some crack.   
Professor: Sam's?   
Steph: Yeah.   
Baby-g starts running into a wall.   
Professor: Did he eat some, too?   
Steph: Nah, he's alway like that.   
Baby-g: Yaaaahhhhoooo!   
Professor: Can't you put some pillows up or something?   
Steph: He'll be fine.   
Wolverine: Wooh...I don't feel so good...   
Steph: That's cause you ate some crack.   
Wolverine: Sam's?   
Steph: Yes! You guys want to play a game?   
Professor: Ooh! Me! Me! I wanna play!   
Steph: Okay, help me set these chairs up.   
-15 minutes later-   
Steph: Okay everyone, it's time to play Name Your Name!   
Everyone sits in their chairs, looking at Steph and Baby-g stupidly.   
Steph: Ready to play?   
Baby-g: They might as well say moo.   
Steph: Wolverine, you're first. Here's the big question: What is your name?   
Wolverine(Thinking hard): I...uh...I don't think I have one...   
Steph hits him on the head with her mallet.   
Steph: You lose.   
Wolverine: Ow! I'm gonna-   
Steph: Just be glad I didn't decide to bop you with my sword! Go watch Tele- the news.   
Wolverine's face brightens.   
Wolverine: Yay! Wolverine runs off sucking his thumb.   
Steph: Who's next, Baby-g?   
Baby-g: Gambit!   
Steph: Gambit, what is your name?   
Gambit: Uh...hang on a second...I know this one...   
Rogue: Oh! Oooh! Oooh! Pick me! Pick me!   
Steph: Okay, Rogue, what is your name?   
Rogue: Sara! Steph: I'm sorry, that's wrong. Since you were trying to help, I'll just put you in a room with The Bunny.   
Rogue: No! Not The Bunny!   
Steph: Yeah, sure, you'll have fun! Just follow Wolverine's trail. I told him to go watch the news.   
Gambit: Wait, wait! it just slipped my mind. I'll get it again...   
Steph: your accent!   
Gambit: What?   
Steph: You forgot your wad of gum! Here, eat this Bubblicious...   
Gambit: Ah, dat's better, chere...   
Baby-g: Time's up! Since you lost, follow Rogue.   
Steph: Sam, you're next. What's your name?   
Sam looks at a peice of paper.   
Sam: My name is...Sc...Sco...Scott!   
Sam beams proudly.   
Steph: Give me that paper!   
Steph takes the paper and looks at it.   
Steph: This paper says Scott. Cyclops, come here.   
Cyclops: What?   
Steph: I know Sam isn't smart enough to cheat. You lose. Go see The Bunny.   
Cyclops throws a hissy fit.   
Cyclops: NOOOO! I don't wanna! You can't make me!!   
Suddenly, while Cyclops is kicking and screaming, the laegs of the table dissapear, knocking Cyclops out. But, having a thick skull, he wakes up and runs into the den.   
Steph:...hmm, I don't think anyone is going to win this game...Everyone go see The Bunny.   
All: Awww...   
Everyone walks into the den, where Cyclops Wolverine, and the Professor are sitting happily on the floor, chewing something. Rogue is looking disgusted. The Bunny is hiding behind Rogue.   
Steph: What are you chewing?   
The Bunny: Magic powder.   
Steph and Baby-g: What?   
The Bunny: Teletubies was over, so they started watching Peewee's Playhouse. Peewee found magic powder in the corner...   
Woverine: I feel like shaving!   
The Bunny: And I guess they found some more crack.   
Wolverine(runnning up to Professor): to tell the truth, Professor, you've always been my hero. I wanna look just like you!   
Wolvereine extends his claws and shaves his head.   
Cyclops: HA! HA! He looks like a newborn rat!   
Wolverine: Why, thank you! That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me!   
Gambit: Where's my lipstick?   
All: ...   
Gambit: Eheh... does this dress make me look fat?   
Rogue: Whatn the heck do yah think yah're doin'?   
Gambit: I'm going shopping for a bra... anyone want to come?   
Wolverine and Cyclops: Ooh! Me! I wanna come, too!   
Rogue: Take that curtain off!   
Gambit drops the curtain.   
Steph: AHH! Put that back on!   
Professor: That dress makes you look lovely...   
Steph: The Bunny, baby-g, help me tie these guys up...   
-5 minutes later-   
Sam: What are you going to do with the crack?   
Steph: We're going to get rid of it.   
Sam: NO! That cost me a fortune!   
Baby-g: I'll just use my flamwthrower-   
Sam, Professor, Gambit, Rogue, The Bunny, and Cyclops: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!   
Steph: What? What?   
Cyclops: You said the secret word!   
Steph: What? Flamethrow-   
All: AHHHHH!!!   
Steph: No more Peewee for you guys...   
Sam (looking at his stomach): I think my bellybutton needs a breathmint.   
Steph: I think I'll make some lunch. You guys have had such big doses of crack, I don't think you'll be normal until tomorrow morning...   
Steph thinks for a second.   
Steph: I don't know if I should laugh or cry.   
Sam: Oh, great. Now my but wants a breathmint, too.   
Cyclops: Oh my goodness, my show is almost on!   
Professor: Oh, yes! I simply must know if Joanne is getting dumped by that horrible Todd!   
Steph: Okay, you can watch your show. But only if you stay in this room.   
Cyclops: Okay.   
Wolverine: Shh! It's starting!   
On the TV some guy cusses.   
Professor: Hey! Baby-G, this is to mature for you. Leave!   
Baby-g: Okay, fine...I know when I'm not wanted...   
Steph: Oh, great, just look at what you did.   
Professor: Shh!   
Everyone but the Professor, Cyclops, Wolverine, and Sam leave the room.   
Steph: Okay, I'm going to make lunch now...   
-5 minutes later, everyone is seated at the table except for the soap group and Baby-g.-   
Steph: I made penut butter and Jelly sandwiches, applessauce, and grahm crackers.   
Professor: Oh! sqaures! can you do triangles, too?   
Steph: I thought youm were watching your show.   
Professor: They kicked me out because I kept trying to corect those peoples bad language...(starts to cry.)   
The Bunny: There's no crack in here, is there?   
Steph: Nope. Made em myself. Which reminds me...everyone look out the window. What do you see?   
Kurt: Oooh! Oooh! I know! A cliff!   
Steph: That's right, Kurt.   
Rogue: Good boy! Here, get the doggie treat!   
Kurt jumps after the doggie treat, barking wildly.   
Kitty: Anyone wanna see a cool trick? Watch how slow Peter is. Here, pour this acid over your head.   
Peter does so, and melts into a silvery puddle.   
Kitty: Cool, huh?   
The Bunny: I just mopped the floors!   
Kitty: I'll clean him up.   
Kurt: I know!   
Steph: Know what?   
Kurt: It's a cliff!   
Steph stuns him with a fryinmg pan.   
Steph: Right. That means I have to leave in thirty minutes.   
The Bunny: Why?   
Steph: You'll see.   
Rogue: Hey, the Peter-puddle is bubbling!   
Steph: Okay... Their show is almost over. I'll be right back.   
Steph walks into the den and is confronted with the sight of three grown men surounded by nearly 100 soggy tissues.   
Wolverine: How could he do that to her?   
Gambit: After all dat she's been through?   
Sam is crying to hard to speak.   
Steph: Is it over?   
Wolverine: Of course not! We still have to see if Tiffany will confess her secret love life...(continues rambling about the show)   
Steph: Gambit, is today's show over?   
Gambit takes another tissue and blows his nose.   
Gambit: Yeah.   
Gambit smiles, then kineticaly charges the snot and throws it at Steph. Steph ducks, and the snot hits Scott in the head and explodes. Now flakes of Scott's head are floating down. Wolverine takes one, sniffs, and eats it.   
Steph: Ewww! That's sick!   
Wolverine: Yummy! Air crisps!   
The Bunny rushes over to the den.   
The Bunny: I guess they're still stoned...   
Steph: The Bunny, please go make sure everyone is eating their lunch.   
The Bunny: Everyone's done, cept for the Professor. He's busy stuffing it up his nose.   
Rogue: That's fantastic!   
Steph: Look, Rogue, now's your chance! Grab Ja- er, Gambit and run!   
Rogue: But what about my powers?   
Steph: Hey, that didn't stop you before.   
Rogue: Oh, yeah. That's right. Ah ahlso hahve ahn ahccent.   
Loud voice from above, makes all in room tremble: I wrote you without an accent for a reason!   
Rogue: You're right. Come on, Gambit.   
Gambit obidiently follows Rogue.   
The Bunny: Wait! You forgot about the sex ed-   
Steph: Oh well...   
Wolverine: ...I vote you off the island!   
Sam: ...No! You go!   
Wolverine: Majority vote.   
Sam: Oh, well, I guess majority wins.   
Sam leaves the room.   
Wolverine: Whoohoo! I'm the survivor! (going into bathroom) I'm gonna take a porcelin cruise. (He grabs some more of Scott's head) Potato chips!   
Steph: Okay, now Im getting a headache.   
The Bunny: Headache? Ow.   
Steph and The Bunny walk into the kitchen.   
Steph: Sam! What are you doing?   
The Bunny: It looks like he's trying to kiss the the Professor...   
Sam: No, I'm eating his sandwich.   
The Bunny: Eww! That's even worse!   
Steph: Everyone please be quiet! I've got a bad headache.   
Kurt: I will save the day.   
Kurt teleports over to Steph.   
Kurt: Yelling in Steph's ear: BAAAAAAAANNNNNGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
Steph: Whoa...   
Kurt starts to dance again.   
Kurt: I have saved the day-ay! I have saved the day-ay!   
Steph: My headache is gone...   
The Bunny: Yay!   
Steph: Unfortunately, it took the part of my brain that takes this crap with it.   
The Bunny: Is that a bad thing, or good?   
Steph: Bad for Kurt!   
Kurt: Meep!   
Steph pulls out her sword.   
Kurt: I'll save the day!   
Kurt teleports over to Steph, grabs her shoulder, and does a multiple teleport.   
Kurt: Heh...I...have...saved...the...day...   
Kurt falls down.   
Steph: He's never been good at doing that.   
The Bunny: Were you gonna hurt him?   
Steph: Nope. He always does that.   
Professor: Hey, look, Peter-puddle is bubbling!   
Steph: Kittyy, you said you were gonna clean him up!   
Kitty: Hang on a sec, my outfit doesn't match again.   
Rogue (from upstairs): That's fantastic!   
Sam (from the stairs): Help! My heads stuck between the bars!   
Steph: Wait a sec, if the Professor has a wheelchair, why does everything have stairs?   
Sam whacks his head agianst the bars.   
Sam: Heeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllloooooooo?   
Steph: How'd you get in there in the first place?   
Sam: My head deflated where my brain used to be. I thought it fell out on the stairs...   
Steph: And you looked for it and your head inflated? Okay, hang on a second.   
The Bunny: Your going to get him out?   
Steph: Yes, here's what I want you to do...   
-later-   
The Bunny: So it's full, right?   
Wolverine: Yes, Yes! Now will you go away?   
Steph: The Bunny, come here! Is everything ready?   
The Bunny: Yuppers!   
Steph: Okay, good.   
Steph adjusts Sam's herad a final time.   
Steph: Okay, now hold that pose! You're going to disapear for a second, but then you'll be right back, okay?   
Sam: Watch the monkey get hurt, monkey!   
Steph: You soo deserve this.   
Steph and Sam shimmer, the dissapear. Seconds later, Steph reapears. She sits down next to The Bunny.   
Steph: Good thing he didn't flush before he took his bath.   
Wolverine: What are you doing in my bath?!   
Sam: I'm free!   
Wolverine: Kid, your gonna get some pairced ears.   
The Bunny: Umm...   
Steph: Okay, nevermind. I don't reaslly care what happens.   
Professor: Hey! I never knew I could do that!   
Steph: Do what?   
Professor: Oooh! Goody-goody! Everybody watch!   
Professor has made a town of legos, with lego people. he animates them with his mind, making voices.   
Professor (high voice): But mooommy! I gotta have the doolllll!   
Professor (deep voice): Na. Here, here, rot your brain in front of the tv, instead.   
Professor (high voice): Okay. Lalalalala!   
Steph: Okay... I'm gonna leave now.   
The Bunny: Don't leave me here!   
Steph: No, Im serious. the writer ran out of ideas about two pages ago.   
The Bunny: Oh. I'll make smores over Sam's dead body, then.   
Steph: You do that.   
Steph walks outside to where the cliff has been for the last 34 minutes. She jumps off and starts to fly away, but looks back, Baby-g has jumped off the cliff.   
Baby-g (falling): WHOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!   
Steph catches Baby-g.   
Baby-g: spanks.   
Steph: You're welcome.   
The Bunny: Bye!   
Steph: Bye, The Bunny!   
Baby-g and Steph dissapear, and all that's heard is Wolverine and The Professor arguing about Barney anmd the Telletbuies and eating Scott chips.   
That, and two words from Gambit and Rogue: THAT'S FANTASTIC!


End file.
